How to Pee Standing Up Using a Pee Funnel
Before you get started…
It’s normal not to be able to go.
It’s normal to pee all over yourself.
You weren’t potty trained in one session— give yourself some grace!
Yeah, I was nervous the first time. I had been told all my life that I couldn’t do this. And if it didn’t work, well, I guess I was dumb for even trying.
Or maybe it WOULD work, but it would be a big, complicated, messy hassle, and not even worth it. Easier just to give up and sit.
I’m smiling as I type this because now I’m on the other side, and it’s so convenient and easy to pee standing up. But when I first tried it? I was scared.
Here’s the guide I wish I had. Perhaps you’ll find the same source of inspiration that I did: I love to prove people wrong when they say I can’t do something. Good luck, and stand up for yourself!
1— Getting Ready
Read the pamphlet that came with your stand-to-pee device— it can give you more specific tips for your pee funnel.
This will be easier if you really need to pee. Choose your favorite beverage!
Choose a location. In the shower means the pressure is off, although you will get back splash from the shower floor. Using the toilet is also a great option, as it triggers the urge to pee by association. And of course, if you have a backyard or access to some wilderness, there will be minimal clean up. Again, if you are peeing on a hard surface, there will be back splash on your legs.
Choose your clothing. When you start to learn, it’s easiest to wear minimal clothing or be naked from the waist down. You can just focus on the mechanics of the act. However, once you get the hang of it, you’ll want to start practicing in the clothing you plan to wear, because that’s a learning curve too. See the section on Clothing.
If you’re going to spend all day doing this (and why not?), you might want to get little incontinence liners for your underwear. The squeegee method works well, but for a day of practice, some help with the dampness is nice.
2—Time to Go
Stand with your feet shoulders’ width apart.
Position your stand-to-pee device per the instructions it came with. Most pee funnels require gentle pressure on the back end, where it should hit at or just before the perineum (or “taint”), but NOT so much pressure that it prevents you peeing at all.
For most pee funnels, make sure the front points slightly downward. Remember: you want the pee to run forward and out, not pool in your underwear.
You may be wanting to create a “tight seal,” or press the whole thing against you very firmly. Again, check your device instructions, but I have found applying more pressure to the back than the front is helpful.
It will probably be easiest at first to bend your knees a little and lean slightly forward. Yes, this feels dorky. Once you get the hand of it, it’s easy to adjust and stand up straight.
If you are peeing in a bathroom, you might find it easiest to lean forward with your hand on the wall behind the toilet. In nature you could do this with a tree.
As you pee, keep looking at where you are peeing.
Do not move the stand-to-pee device while peeing! Keep your hand steady and the pee funnel firm against your body. If you have to move or want to direct your flow, move your hips.
Be sure to COMPLETELY empty your bladder in order to prevent infections. If you aren’t sure you have emptied your bladder, use the bathroom in your ordinary way afterward until you get the hang of it.
3—Afterwards
To wipe, pull the stand-to-pee device away from you across your private area, thus “squeegee-ing” yourself.
To avoid pee spilling onto your hands, tip the pee funnel down and away from you, making sure all the pee runs out. Shake the droplets off away from your body, holding the dry part of the pee funnel.
Have a plan for where you are going to put your pee funnel right after you use it, and if you’re going to be carrying gear, practice putting it back until it’s easy.
Be sure to clean your device. See the How to Clean a Pee Funnel section.
Did it go well? Awesome! Keep doing that. If it didn’t go well, drink some water and try again. You got this!
See also the Troubleshooting section.