On Trauma
When I talk to people about using a device, the biggest concern that comes up is that it will be messy. As I’ve stated elsewhere on the site, it really isn’t once you practice with the right STP! But I get the concern. It’s pee, right?
The flipside of that is that some people aren’t able to pee at all when they first try it. I wasn’t! I really had to practice. That can be frustrating and discouraging.
But for some people, the process of learning to use an STP can bring up real trauma. Fear of peeing on themselves may be connected to memories of humiliation, and fear of being unable to pee may bring up painful feelings of failure.
Here’s an example of trauma related to peeing standing up from a woman I’ll call “Rose.” It’s shared with permission.
Rose’s Story (Warning: Discussion of medical abuse)
I told Rose about my website and asked if had any interest in STPs. She said she did, but that she really felt she couldn’t pee standing up. I said my usual bit about it being hard at first, but keep trying, etc.
Rose replied with a story. She went to a doctor as part of treatment for an ongoing medical condition. The doctor (a man) asked her to give a urine sample, which Rose had no problem with. The doctor then instructed her to urinate in front of him, into a cup, in a standing position, without a funnel or device. Rose attempted to comply, but was unable to urinate. She states that the doctor made her feel like a “failure.” As she left, humiliated, the nurse (a woman) tried to console her. “Don’t worry,” said the nurse. “He’s asked many women to do this, and none of them have been able to.”
Rose didn’t tell anyone what happened right away because she was too embarrassed. When she finally told her husband, he also tried to console her, saying it was very wrong of that doctor to make the request because it was natural for women to sit or squat. “Even our female dog squats,” he told her.
No reason was ever given for why the doctor needed to collect the sample in this manner, or why it had to be done in front of him personally.
Rose has often lamented the fact that she can’t pee outside so she could go on longer walks (health issues prevent squatting). On road trips with her husband, she complains of disgusting gas station bathrooms.
She still feels unable to use an STP.
Of course I was appalled and disgusted that this overt medical abuse had occurred. But it also opened my eyes to the fact that people may experience trauma as a barrier to using STPs.
Other concerns people may experience include:
A strong sense of gender dysphoria upon being able to use a device right away, or having to try more than one device.
Abusive relationships may prevent some people from safely practicing and using an STP. A vendor of STPs told me that a man became so hostile when his girlfriend suggested using an STP that security had to escort him from the booth.
Cultural attitudes about gender may mean anxiety around doing something perceived a “masculine.”
Multiple people have shared stories of trying to pee standing up as kids and being unable to, with resulting feelings of inadequacy or failure, or perhaps being teased or scolded or told that that was impossible.
How easy for me to say “Keep trying!” as I practiced in my safe, private backyard where I could wear just my underwear (or less), run the hose when I couldn’t go, and hop in the shower when I made a mess, all while giving updates to my supportive husband. What a privilege! Because of this privilege I was able to test fifteen devices, while trauma or unsafe conditions prevent other people from practicing with one.
As stated in the Criticisms section, this site isn’t about making STP devices mandatory or expected, or about shaming people who are unwilling or unable to use them. The last thing I would want is for someone experiencing shame, trauma, or safety concerns to do something that is emotionally or physically unsafe for them.
It is my hope that anyone with a need or desire to pee standing up is able to do so safely and without shame. Some people may find it liberating or cathartic or affirming; some may merely find it convenient.
For those of you struggling with this concept or ability, I hope this website is a little stepping stone on your journey. For those of you who don’t feel it’s possible or desirable to use an STP, there’s no hate here. Look after yourself and come back any time.