Notes From a Penis-Haver
Throughout my journey with STP devices, my husband (cis male) has been supportive, if bemused. He also cleared up some questions I had, which, in retrospect, must have seemed obvious. Here are some of our conversations; I’m in bold:
Peeing in a toilet seems really splashy, loud and annoying.
Don’t aim for the water. Aim for the side, and put a little tilt on it.
Ugh, I have an STP that works but it’s not pretty. I like things to be pretty!
Save it for when you want to channel raw masculine energy. Go outside, start pissing, and imagine a bald eagle flying overhead.
When, if ever, would you pee sitting down?
When I need to take a [poop]. Or I guess if I’m dying. Like having trouble standing up.
You don’t ever join me in peeing in our yard. What’s up with that?
I like being in comfort?
Do you undo your pants, or just undo the fly?
Personal preference, depends on the guy. I usually undo the button because my pants are tight enough that they won’t fall down, but plenty of guys just unzip the fly.
Realistically, would you notice if a trans guy used a urinal next to you in a bathroom?
How would I know? There’s a whole lot of dude etiquette here. You don’t look over at another man’s junk. So how would I know?
But if you did notice, would it bother you that a trans guy was in there?
No. But admitting that I noticed would be admitting that I looked, so again, how do I know?
Would it be weird if you went on a hike or road trip with a girl and she peed standing up?
If she gave me a heads up that she was using a device, I’d certainly have no problem with it. I could see a lot of guys being freaked out if they saw her pee standing up and didn’t mention the device.
What would you say to a guy who felt bad that his girlfriend was using an STP?
Why the f--- do you care bro? It’s kind of like guys who don’t like tampons. You don’t have to take a huge interest in it, but why do you care?
Am I still cute even if I pee standing up?
No, I’m sorry, it was over the moment you did it once. [Laughs] Of course!
STP Playlist
Want to get in the pee-standing-up ZONE? Here’s a playlist to get started.
Man! I Feel Like a Woman, by Shania Twain
—For all of you who feel womanly and playful using an STP
I sure do. My favorite way to pee standing up is in lipstick and heels. It feels so cheeky!
Macho Man, by the Village People
—And this is for all you who feel manly (and have some self-irony)
Such a macho way to pee. Like peeing with a handlebar mustache. This is a great song because it’s about the aesthetics of masculinity, and how you pee is definitely an aesthetic choice.
Tubthumping, by Chumbawumba
—For those of you taking your STP out for a night of debauchery
Enjoy skipping that loooooooong bathroom line. Wave at it as you go by.
Road Trippin’, by the Red Hot Chili Peppers
—For those ditching nasty gas station bathrooms
Road tripping when you’re tied to bathrooms is a drag. When is the next one? Is it clean? Will there be a line? Will it be closed for cleaning? Ugh. Here’s to liberty!
Try Again, by Aliyah
—For those who had a little trouble learning. You did it!
Hey it isn’t easy for everyone, especially if you had to test multiple models. Congratulations on your perseverance! (If you’re still having trouble, see the Troubleshooting section of the site.)
Detachable Penis, by King Missile
—For those of you who view your STP as a detachable penis of course
If I lost my STP I would also be pretty bummed out, even if it doesn’t feel like a penis. For those of you who DO view your STP as a detachable penis, take better care of it than King Missile!
Funnel of Love, by Wanda Jackson
—For the funnel users!
I hope you all love your device. It’s an intimate relationship to have with an object—I admit I got a little attached to mine.
Go Your Own Way, by Fleetwood Mac
—For those who just want to do their own thing
Have you encountered haters or naysayers? Just go off and do you.
I’m Only Happy When it Rains, by Garbage
—For those who need to think of water to get going
I do love rain. If you’re still thinking of water to relax and let go, keep at it—it does get easier!
Take Me Home, Country Roads, by John Denver
—For those of you on a journey, and the hikers of course
If you need to pee or you’re dehydrated or you’re just worried about peeing, you’re not enjoying the experience. Now you can focus on the beauty, the tranquility, the adventures, or whatever your reason for hiking.
Cherry Cola, by Eagles of Death Metal
—For those of you who loaded up on a favorite beverage to practice
Shout out to everyone who stayed home for a day with Diet Coke, lemonade, sparkling water, beer, tea, Gatorade, or whatever you drank. That beverage was in the trenches with you!
Sisters are Doing it for Themselves, by Aretha Franklin and Annie Lennox
—For the sisters who are feeling EMPOWERED
YES. It’s a great feeling! It’s not just about knowing you can pee anywhere; it’s about subverting expectations and keeping life surprising. Once you break that leash to the bathroom, it’s a whole new world.
I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends, by The Beatles
—For those who appreciate the help
Hopefully your friends were supportive to you on your journey—maybe they were on it with you! I also think about my STP as a little friend. I get by with a little help from everyone.
Get Up, Stand Up, by Bob Marley
—STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS
Don’t let anyone tell you how to pee.
